Kill Her!

If I ever knew a very great hypocrite in my life, I am the person.

I’m so great at pretending.
I pretend everything’s OK.
I always want to look flawless in the family.
You know what? I laugh at those who consider me as a naïve, good girl.
They don’t know the devilish part of me.
I’m laughing at them.
Haha,, Fool them.
But I cry right after it.
I’m afraid.
This double-sided face is going to eat me alive, sooner or later.
I have to kill one of them before I get killed.
I gotta stop this laughing and crying.
I gotta stop.
I gotta stop.
I really gotta stop.

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I'm lonely inside [who cares?]

Have you ever felt like you're alone in this world? Yes, I guess most of you must have ever felt that feeling. Maybe it's because you miss particular person, or you are surrounded by people who have nothing in common with you, or you feel that no one loves you, or sometimes you don't need any reason at all to feel lonely. It just happens.

Some people say, no need to feel lonely. People are EVERYWHERE. All you have to do is open yourself to the world and the world will open its arm wide for you. But I think it's not that simple.

To be lonely is to feel that you're the only one who understands you. To be lonely is to be convinced that there is a wall between you and the world. To be lonely is to be unable to take part in normal activities. To be lonely is to be unhappy.

Alone and lonely are not the same. To be alone means you enjoy doing things on your own without any intervention from other party. To be lonely means you actually want to do things with other people but no one comes to be that person.

--Quoted from somebody @ everything2.com, with some changes--

To me, I like being alone alot. I enjoy doing many activities by myself. I love to do much things alone: walk, go to mall, jogging in the morning, or just spend a whole day inside my room.

Nobody wants to be lonely. That's what Ricky Martin the ass-shaker says in his song. Yes, I agree with it. Lonely people will try to get rid of the loneliness inside them. At least they will make an effort, right? Maybe by gathering with their friends, talk to their lovers, or join some new groups to meet new friends.

But when I get that feeling, all I wanna do is WORSEN the loneliness itself. I BUILD that wall between me and the world. I locked myself. I then become an other-human-hater. I kinda hate everyone. I hate to talk to ANYBODY. I don't care with ANYTHING. I'll do it until I'm exhausted, then I started to go back to reality. And on and on and on...

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